I've been feeling dissatisfied lately.
It's not hard for me to notice this feeling because somehow, magically, yoga has left me feeling mostly satisfied (santosha) with life on a regular basis.
Looking at my mind, i began to wonder - "what is it that I'm so dissatisfied with?"
I imagine that any of us could come up with various answers to this question if we allowed ourselves to.
In my case, though, i found that my inner process was all about where i wanted to be versus where I am.
Looking at my life without the lens of dissatisfaction I am actually very joyful about the world I inhabit, and the things I get to offer to that world on a daily basis. Why then have I been feeling so disjointed?
I realized, upon reflection, that some myth had wormed its way into my unconscious. I think I picked it up from certain parts of the 'new age' thought world, but I'm not sure. The myth is that if you have some kind of Vision, or a sense of Purpose, or a goal about where you would like your life to be, then you should be living that RIGHT NOW - or something is wrong with your life.
Looked at with eyes of discernment, it is easy to see how this is just another way of disrespecting oneself and actually avoiding the power available in the present moment - but it cloaks itself in the language of the present moment in a very tricky way.
If allowed to carry on too long, we can get caught up in a cycle of grandiose dreams, and ineffective actions that don't take the present moment circumstance into account.
An easy out is just to say that these "visions" or dreams are not valid or important. This seems to be the track that a large portion of our culture takes. Simply go back to work, because dreaming about being something more just makes one uncomfortable.
Another way to go is to just become a dreamer - to truly believe that your life is something more, and wonder when it's going to 'manifest' itself for you.
All of these options have been running through my consciousness as I contemplate my own visions and dreams in light of the feeling of lack that has inhabited my body.
Perhaps a reasonable answer is what is sometimes called the "bridge plan". This kind of plan is exactly what it sounds like. The way you get from "here" to "there". What is wonderful about this type of thinking is that it allows one to rest into the feeling of taking concrete steps toward the manifestation of his or her desires. It doesn't have to be a choice between wondering why your full vision hasn't magically shown up all on it's own - or just going back to the 9-5 and settling for something that feels safe.
And in my own life, resting in the bridge brings santosha - yogic contentment. If we want to be totally honest, there's no phase that isn't a bridge plan - because the moment we reach some goal, it usually forms the foundation for the next inspiration.
We can apply this to our yoga asana practice, our meditation, or any aspect of our lives. Yoga requires us to hold a balance between contentment - Santosha, and Tapas - hard work. Master Patanjali says that the poses should be both steady and pleasant. We can only gauge where this balance is if we are resting in this present moment. If you are not in your yoga practice today, but thinking all about what's wrong with it compared to some ideal - you've disempowered your ability to do a truly powerful practice. If you can't tune your mind into the reality of your breath, or your chosen object of focus because you are too busy thinking about the future, you won't be able to reach the deeper levels of meditation that are coming.
Ultimately, we could say that the past and the future are completely empty of existing as solid things - they depend upon each other for definition. We can also say the same about the present moment. Can you find a "present moment" that isn't nestled firmly between the past and future? Because these things define each other, we can say that they are not solidly "real" the way we tend to think of them - as self-existent. But, it gives us a way to empower our practice of yoga, meditation, or life's vision. We can abide here in the present as the crux of power which is informed by the past, and which creates your future. In this way - on the perpetual bridge, we can learn to relax into love of what IS, and look hopefully toward what is BECOMING.
In this way, for me, the end really does justify the means. I don't have to get on my mat and BE a yoga master today. I can do the practice that makes me a yoga master, and feel good about that. I don't have to despair of a future that is always "out there" because the journey to that future is right under my foot. Seen in this way, even outrageous goals - like helping every living being to be happy - are actually already present with you, as seeds that can be tended.
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