It is inspired in part because some technical difficulties sort-of threw me off my flow and I didn't get to quite say everything I had hoped to - so i thought I'd give the attendees a little re-cap, and people who weren't there a brief intro to some of the ideas.
Here are 8 principles of Yogic Relationship
1. Yoga means union!
In a sense, "yogic relationship" is redundant, as it's like saying "union union". Yoga comes from an old word meaning "yoke", like to tie together or unite. It has come to mean union with God, or union with Ultimate Reality.
I think that "yogic relationship" means two things:
1. that we can use yogic principles to come to a more harmonious union with our chosen partner, and
2. that we can use the interaction with our chosen partner to create the conditions for Union/Yoga with the Divine.
2. You are three bodies in one.
Most of the ancient religious traditions in the world recognize the principle of the sacred Three. In Christianity it's the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; in Buddhism it's the Dharmakaya, Nirmanakaya, and Sambhogakaya. For a basic modern terminology, we can say that these are the gross body you can touch, the subtle body you can feel, and the causal body that is behind the scenes of other two.
While our relationships are played out through our physical bodies, and the whole movie is thrown by our causal body (more on that in our class on the 21st!), it is the subtle body where all the wonder and horror that is called "love" takes place!
3. Sexual energy is an experience of the Subtle Body.
When we are aroused by another, we have a capacity to deeply feel the movement of subtle energy within! It swirls about whenever we think about our beloved. It can keep us awake until 4 am while we are in the infatuation stage of a new relationship.
The ancient yogis recognized this and developed a science of the sexual energy in particular. They found this to be important because they realized that sexual energy is both powerful and sticky
Powerful
Sexual energy is the force that will grow a whole new living being under the right conditions. I think we feel this every time we fall in love! If applied appropriately, this power can be directed within us to skyrocket our spiritual growth, or the capacity for love in our relationship. If used ignorantly or inappropriately, though, this same energy can leave us feeling drained and depleted.
One aspect of a "yogic relationship" is understanding how to leverage this energy so that it sustainably provides a powerful experience.
Sticky
Sex is a sticky affair - as many people are already aware! What I mean here though is that sex is a realm that is often full of shadow for most of us. We are kind of blindly stumbling through and hoping that something will work out someday - all the while not being fully aware of the forces playing out below the surface.
Because of these two aspects to the sexual energy, it is felt that it is of extreme importance to learn the language of this realm - whether you are in relationship or not - because this energy is a great source of both power and drama for most beings. Through the practice of yogic relationship we are learning to refine this force so that we may use it to powerful ends.
4. Orgasm is an experience of "dissolution"
Dissolution is a translation of the Sanskrit term "Laya". Laya often refers to the practice of "Kundalini" yoga - or making the energy come to the center, rise up, and stay.
The ancient yogis described a channel of energy in the center of the body called the Sushumna Nadi - which roughly means "channel of the really good music". It is said that when some of the energy in the body gets into this channel, you feel "centered". Specifically, energy flowing in this channel helps one to feel especially kind, and to have a mind which is focused and sees to the truth of things. The yogis say that if you get all the energy (prana) into this channel, you will have an experience of Ultimate Reality, or seeing God directly.
There are also channels in the body that run on the right and left. When energy runs to the right, we feel angry or aggressive, and when it runs to the left, we feel incomplete and desirous.
There are a few natural times when the energy goes into the central channel all on its own - and one of these is the moment of Orgasm. When you orgasm, there is a tiny taste of the deep bliss that comes with awareness of Reality. The only problem is that if we are not holding our mind in a state of Love, Reverence, or Wisdom, this experience goes away very quickly, and we can actually feel worse than before (as the prana flows back into the side channels).
Yoga proposes that we can learn to move the prana into the center at will - there's actually a phenomenon that has come to be known as "yogasm" or the experience of orgasmic bliss simply through performing yoga postures. This can show us that what is causing the experience is a movement of subtle energies. Yoga also proposes that if you hold the right mind state and awareness of energy at the moment of orgasm, you can actually make deep changes in your energy body that last - causing some of the energy from the channels of anger and desire to "dissolve" into the center.
The other meaning of the term dissolution, as we are using it here, is that when individuals come to orgasm together, their energy bodies enter a type of fusion. If each partner is actively cultivating their energy body, this can rapidly expidite the process of inner growth!
Brahmacharya
These last two principles of sexual energy highlight the yogic concept of Brahmacharya - which means "acting in accord with (charya) the Creative Divine force (Brahma)". Because the sexual energy is so powerful, we need to learn when and how to use it. And also because we are merging with another, we need to discriminate carefully about whom we share intimacy with. Brahmacharya has come to imply celibacy, but it can also refer to different types of marriage or commitment, and different ways of working with the creative energy of sexuality.
These two energies are deeply encoded in us from ancient human pre-history. The women of the tribe had the equipment to bear and nurse children, and so did tasks in which children could be involved - gathering, weaving, mending, nursing, cooking, etc. The men were left with the tasks where a small child could not be included - mainly hunting and protection.
These ancient roots have left traces in our brains and bodies that can make it hard to relate at times. Men are often programmed to be directive, goal oriented, and concerned with freedom and silence. Women, on the other hand are often hard wired to seek connection, be process oriented, and are concerned with radiance, and love.
We each will slip into one of these modes when we are embodying more of the masculine, or more of the feminine in any moment.
Although we can each be any of these energies, one or the other will feel like "home" to you - and it is when you are able to rest in this energy, that you will feel most powerful, loving, delicious, and sexy. I feel my best when I am "on-purpose", accomplishing tasks, standing my ground, expressing freedom or protection, and loving the world from a place of deep silence. My partner, on the other hand, is most fed by giving love to others, feeling like her personal radiance and life-force is a gift, when she feels "in the flow", and is loving the world from a feeling of communion.
If we know our own sexual essence and that of our partner, we have the tools to make our relationship full of vitality. If I want my partner to feel sexy, i help her rest into her feminine - and it just so happens that I do that by embodying my masculine. If i come to her with an energy of deep silence, presence, and purpose, it is easy for her to relax into her innate nature of radiant love. Similarly, if she comes to me with a sense of flow, communion, and a commitment to giving love - i begin to feel more free and silent.
The vitality that ensues is an awakening of the subtle body, and any time the sexual energy is aroused in this way, we have an opportunity for dissolution and spiritual evolution.
[note: in same sex partnerships, one partner will assume the more feminine or the more masculine role and the energetics are the same as above. In a similar principle, in heterosexual or same-sex couplings, if the energies become too "neutralized" (both partners equally running masculine and feminine current), the quality of "sexiness" can be lost.]
6. The Masculine and Feminine exist at varying levels of development
The counter-point to the above is to understand that there are many ways of expressing the masculine and the feminine. It's not just every manly man who can stimulate a feminine-essence person to spiritual evolution. Some manly-men are just jerks. Similarly, some of the most feminine people in the world are just self-concerned divas and are unworthy objects for the masculine's deep presence in many cases.
These two currents arise and go through various stages of evolution. That can be thought of generally as:
Selfishness
Safety
Actual Love
Selfishness is just that - you want your needs met. Often, we can be attracted to people of somewhat low development because the energy is simply so strong - they are running a very masculine purpose, for example, and looking very driven, successful, and present - but then you find out they are quite self-concerned and shallow. Maybe they are even mean. The feminine is attractive when she is full of life-force, but a selfish expression of this can manifest as emotional neediness or excessive self-concern.
The second level of development is kind of a 50/50 deal. One begins to understand that there are actually other people in the world who have needs too. There starts to arise a genuine care for them - but there is still some concern with feeling safe and that one's needs are getting met. It's kind of a bargaining relationship. This level of partnership is one where you have to take turns paying for dinner when you go out - it's certainly fair, just not very sexy or vitalizing. These partners will feel safe, and people might get into a relationship with them at a time when they feel like they need an extra amount of care or healing. When the healing is complete, the interest in relationship often dries up.
The third level is actually the only one that we are really concerned with in a yogic partnership - actual Love. This level means that you realize that what you are has been Love all along. Because of this, you actually feel free from getting your needs met through relationship. These are often people who have experienced the type of orgasm that can happen in yoga or meditation. They often feel like they don't need a relationship to be happy. but they recognize that through relationship, they can be a fuller expression of love!
7. You can be For-Giving, or you can be For-Getting
What we can see from these stages is that you can come to relationship from one of two angles - you can be there to get something, or you can be there to give something.
The yogis tell us that what we actually are at our cores is pure bliss and love. If one can experience this, there's nothing a relationship can give you. There's only the choice of "how can i walk in this world which expresses most fully the love that i AM?".
This has two implications:
1. Your sustainable happiness in relationship is all a result of being there for-giving, and the drama you experience in your relationship is all a result of your being there for-getting. Think about it - if you were rested in the deep silent bliss that you are, could anything your partner does upset you? You would simply ask yourself "What do they need from me right now?" - love might take the form of fury, or pity, trust, or empathy. Love has no bounds to its expression.
2. If you are evaluating a potential mate, their attractiveness to you, and the level that you trust them will be a result of how well paired you are in terms of for-giving, and for-getting.
If you are mostly selfish, you will probably be attracted to mates that are mostly selfish - in the opposite sexual polarity. If you are ready to give some, but still want to get your needs met, you'll attract a mate who is also working on the 50/50 level. If you are ready to give love without limits, you will be most drawn to others that are resting in their deep inner nature as well.
The Tibetan yogis have a saying: "if you plant corn, you also get hay" - meaning, the grass will grow up around your crops without you having to do anything special. The open secret here is that if you come to your relationships solely to express the love you are by serving another - it is the one certain way to secure your own happiness!
8. Yogic Relationship is a Union of the Masculine and Feminine forces.
The classical tradition of moving the inner energy toward states of bliss and wisdom is called Hatha Yoga - this means "the union of the solar and lunar". Different schools talk about bringing the energies of the upper body and lower body together, or dissolving the right (solar) and left (lunar) side channels into the sushumna (central channel). All of these are ways to bring the masculine and feminine currents together within oneself.
Through partnered practice, we are making an outward, symbolic representation of this process. The amazing thing is that this practice on the outside makes spectacular changes in the inner world. In certain schools, it is said that there is no higher yoga than the union of spiritual partners.
When the masculine and feminine currents are aroused to their highest vitality in their highest level of development, they can be brought into a fusion of extreme power/bliss, and love. This results in a new consciousness (or maybe it was there all along) that is beyond these opposites, and is the fullness of love that we all crave.
It was in us all along, the yogis say, but we don't recognize it, nor can we even hope to bring it forward. There is hope, though, in that we can learn to recognize the Divine in our beloved - and that by worshipping that One, by serving that One, and by entering into even bodily passion fused with deep Love, we can birth that One in our selves - Becoming the vision of Light that we were always meant to be!
If you'd like more information on attending the courses on Yogic Relationship I'm teaching with my Beloved this month, you can register at www.worldsyoga.com for the live class, or at http://www.cvent.com/d/zcqs4z to download online through the Yoga Studies Institute!
