How to practice when it's difficult

Difficult times are one of the great enemies of establishing a meditation practice.

In master Kamalashila's text, the 'Stages of Meditation', he gives us some good news.  You can get to stage one without being able to concentrate, or hold your breath, or sit still, or anything.  You get to the first stage just by actually doing your meditation.  So, out of the 10 stages he lists, one is kind of a freebie!

Like my teacher is fond of saying "half the battle is showing up!"

But sadly, it's not as easy as it sounds.  The first meditation obstacle is technically translated as "laziness" in this ancient book, but in the experience of many, we should probably actually say it's more about prioritizing things other than meditating.

Because the truth is, you're not lazy.  Many people who cannot start or continue a meditation practice are very vigorous when it comes to business, or play, or the like.  So what's the deal?  It's a matter of priorities.  The classical response to this obstacle of meditation is that one is supposed to give herself a "pep talk".  You have to uplift your faith in what the meditation is doing for you.  If you have some experience with meditation, this gets easier, because you probably already know that it can make you calmer, or bring inspiration, or a host of health benefits.  But even if you don't have this personal experience, you can read the life histories of meditators, or look at the modern research.

In times of adversity, though, the whole thing gets harder.  I think maybe it's because we have this negativity bias in our brains that makes bad things seem much bigger than good, we maybe prioritize focusing on those bad things - to the detriment of things that can help us weather the storm.

It can be harder to give ourselves a pep-talk about the long-term benefits of meditation, when the short-term needs seem very pressing.  On top of this, the brain is loathe to switch gears when it has gone into a fight or flight state.  These survival states route blood into the more ancient parts of the brain that are concerned with the here-and-now, to the exclusion of other perspectives, and long-term visions and goals.

So, since it can be so hard to give oneself a pep-talk, allow me to give one to you!

1. Meditation is for times of adversity
Ok, don't believe the ads in the Yoga Journal.  Meditation is not for middle-class white women who've just had their hair done and currently have not pressing issues.  No.  Meditation is for dealing with the trials and stresses of real life.  Meditation is for school teachers, meditation is for activists, meditation is for prophetic souls.  And, it's also for the ladies in the Yoga Journals.

2. This is what you've been practicing for
These times of adversity are a challenge to the soul, but the practice of meditation is meant to make the soul (psyche) more resilient.  The promise of meditation is not that you'll fly off somewhere to a paradise where everyone is Cherubic and cute.  Rather, it is that even when the circumstances around you are crumbling down, you can find that paradise within.  And you can use it to deal with what is coming up.

3. You're going to need those resources
One of the best things about a meditation practice is that it brings many benefits (as long-term practitioners, and research can attest).  Among these are increased insight, heightened immune systems, greater empathy and compassion, and more psychological resilience.

In times of adversity, this kind of insight and long-view, this enhanced physiological response, this resilience of the psyche, and ability to feel into others' experiences is exactly what we need.  Because meditation is not about checking-out of the world.  The thing about finding that paradise within is not some excuse to shut everyone out in a solipsistic fantasy.  No, we are here to bring that possible peace to others.  To unfold and evolve it from within ourselves.  And to do that, we're going to need all our resources online.

If we can remember to practice - by remembering its importance - then we not only have the calm and peace within that we cannot find outside, but we have even more to bring to the table to make the outer world a better place.

So, if you're struggling, if you are afraid, certainly take good care of yourself.  Don't push too hard at anything.  But DO get on that cushion (or yoga mat, or artist's canvas, etc.) and actively shift your brain from short-term negativity into wider-view peace and compassion.

You'll be glad you did!

Lower your standards

Ok, this is a meditation advice that some of the over-acheivers and perfectionists will not want to hear.

How do I know?  Well, because I'm a perfectionist myself, of course!

To be clear, this is not one of those things where I say that we should have meager, moderate goals.  That maybe the attainments of deep meditators might be good for monks and nuns, but not for modern people.  Oh, no, not that at all.

I, personally, have been taught that for some of us, the lifestyle of a householder or working person is actually the perfect way to gain deep realizations of goodness, truth, and beauty.  It's not necessarily helpful to say that we should lower our standards about what's possible.

In this vein, for a long time, I was very frustrated by some of the Zen training slogans I'd hear, like one that says "Nothing Special".  We can use this in meditation as a way of creating some distance from the thoughts we usually identify with as our self.  Sometimes, though, I was confused because heard teachers using this slogan in a way that turns out to seem almost nihilistic when I'd take the logic to its conclusion - saying something like - "meditation may change you for the better, or it may not, just try not to be too concerned about it!"  I didn't find it especially motivating to be told I should do this thing that may or may not have an effect.  My Western mind was trained that every good thing should have a good advertisement to promote it.  But here these meditators are just saying that their method is "nothing special."

For me, I didn't want to spend my time sitting in an uncomfortable pose, counting my breaths if it wasn't going to actually benefit my life in some way!  I know lots of fun things to do that don't especially benefit me, why wouldn't I just do those?  Why learn to meditate?!

But then, upon reflection, upon tasting (in my own small way) some of the fruits of meditation, I've come to see how much potency there is in a training slogan like "nothing special."

Another phrase I more recently learned from a teacher was this:  "To go fast is to go slow."  Meaning, sometimes the quickest way to accomplish something is actually to take a moderate pace and just go step by step.  This starts to shine a light on the meaning of some of these other training phrases.  That they might be for people who are trying to achieve a lot in their meditation, and by this causing undo stress to their body and mind.  These type of instructions are why in traditional meditation systems, you'd always have a mentor working with you directly - because some people need to be slowed down, while others need a gentle kick in the posterior to get moving!

So this little blog today is not so much for those who aren't sure about whether meditation has many benefits, or can't seem to motivate yourself to practice.  For you, by all means raise your standards!  But for those who are convinced of the efficacy of your inner practice, another problem can arise.  Sometimes people get very concerned about what's the best way to meditate!  What's the fastest method to get results?  What will be the most powerful?!

And I can reveal the secret to you right here - that if you want the most potent meditation and the fastest results, you must lower your standards.
In this case, what this means is that any time you are busy being concerned with whether your meditation is "good enough" or "the right one to progress quickly" or the like, you are activating a kind of grasping in the mind.

In the classics of yoga it is said that this grasping will actually distort the inner energies of the body and make it harder to sink into deep states of meditation.  So when we apply slogans like this Zen saying "nothing special", "to go fast is to go slow," or even "lower your standards," we can combat this type of grasping and energy distortion.

Really, all the gains of meditation seem to relate to coming down and getting very grounded where you are.  This is the source of all power and potency - coming down to the truth of this moment, getting real.   Any actions that we take from a motivation that it's going to be better somewhere else, that where we are is not the perfect place to start, are somewhat misinformed and will tend to unbalance us.  We try to reach out farther than our roots go down, and this makes us top heavy.

It's not that we can be lazy if we want to be happy.  Discipline seems to be one of the best conditions for a fulfilling existence.  But we can have discipline in a way that is somewhat frenetic, or even manic, or we can have it in a way that is relaxed and grounded.

Even the Bible teaches this type of meditation, when it says "Be still, and know that I am God"
That's the most important thing to do, get to this place of stillness - and then, knowledge of Reality - however you choose to refer to it can dawn.  But if we are running around trying hard to know "God" sometimes that very trying pushes what we want even farther away.

We live in a "more is better" culture, but it truly seems that sometimes in the realm of inner cultivation "less can be more" - because when we have this type of inner stillness, we have the power of the Subtle.  When we are grounded and quiet in this moment, we may not even need hours and hours of meditation - we can turn our quiet mind toward an uplifting object and experience insight - we can experience opening and change.  The subtle shifts we make in our minds can have a profound effect, depending on the quality of our presence.

Consuming too much spiritually can give us a kind of meditative indigestion just as consuming too much food give us indigestion in our stomachs.  But just as eating moderately and simply can empower the health of our physical body, meditating or practicing in a humble, moderate, and simple way can empower our mind and spirit.

Like an old analogy states "drop by drop, the bucket is filled" we can practice humbly but consistently and seemingly all by themselves we will see amazing and wholesome experiences arise within.

What if we could lower our standards enough to truly come down to what is happening right now, let that settle our minds, and then start from there?

Being Realistic - Part II

In the last blog I spoke about a topic which feels very important to me at this time - setting realistic goals in terms of our personal, spiritual practice.

It's been on my mind because I've been privy to a number of stories of hardcore practitioners who have "burned out" on their spirituality by pushing too hard.  The effects can actually be quite devastating - people have ruined relationships, jobs, or their health, by aspiring to mythic heights, while having only ordinary resources.

So I've felt that we need to get a little more scientific than mythic in modern practice.  We need to not only take the shoulds of the religions  and sects that have handed down meditative practices to us, we also need to test out the proposals, and do what works, and what is safe.

There is another danger, though, in not having realistic models of practice.  Some of us set our sights too high, but others of us set them too low.

One reaction to the hyperbole used to extol the practitioners of old is that some of us will say, "well, that's just not me, so why should I buy into any of this?"  We either don't believe in some versions of "enlightenment" that are being sold in the old traditions, or we don't believe we will ever reach them, and so we fail to gain some of the riches that are hidden in the traditions which are right at our fingertips.  [If that's not you... refer to the previous blog!]

It is a sad state of affairs:  Buddhism, Christianity, Daoism, and the like spend a lot of time speaking of extremely rarified states of purity, but very little about the moderate and beautiful changes an ordinary person can reach in her own life.  It's like we may look at those teachings and say - "nope, that's not talking about me." and we keep on looking for something else.  Or we say "I'll never make it to those goals, so what's the point?"

There's a beautiful quote that says  something like, "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you'll land in the stars."  But I think in this case, we believe we won't hit the moon, and so we don't take aim at all.  I think it might not make a great quote to put on a pretty picture, but we need to start saying "Aim for a target that's not too far away, and even if you miss, you will get closer the more you practice!"

So, the main way we set our sights too low is that we don't practice at all.  And I think there's an easy antidote.  We have to get ourselves stoked about all the powerful benefits we could gain by just 5 or 10 minutes of consistent meditation (or walking, or yoga, or tai chi, or whatever).  Because, you see, with just these few minutes per day people have increased their level of emotional comfort, stability, helped heart problems, reduced the experience of chronic pain, gained spiritual insight, and more.

When we put it that way, powerful effects seem very approachable.  It's very different than saying "if you meditate for 4 hours per day for 20 years, you might see some amazing brain changes!"  because only a few people feel that goal is anywhere near in reach.  But if you knew that with 5 or so minutes of meditation in the morning and evening, you might have the presence of mind to speak more kindly to your partner or your kids - would you make that investment?  If you thought about how that might steadily transform your relationships or your health in the years to come, would that start to seem worthwhile?

It's such a small requirement that can bring so many rich rewards.  Setting your sights too low doesn't mean that you are "only" meditating 20 mins per day rather than forty.  There's no one-size-fits-all threshold to reach. No, it just means lacking the confidence and motivation to do what you really can, and which can start benefitting you right now!  Meditation, yoga, playing a musical instrument, or any life-promoting discipline is not a punishment, but a reward.  It's time to stop depriving yourself of that reward.  Take the limits off how wonderful your life can be.  Take them off slowly, but step-by-step, liberate yourself from what holds you back from the powerful disciplines of presence!

Being Realistic

Let's face it, it is hard to be realistic in terms of spiritual practice.

On the one side, I'm inspired this morning by the fact that in the literature of the world's great spiritual traditions, you don't see a lot of ordinary people doing ordinary practice, day-by-day, with consistency, and consistent results.

What do we see instead?  Jesus went to the desert for 40 days and fasted.  Rumi gave up all the trappings of his life and acted crazy/drunk.  When the Buddha got renunciation, he left his wife and child.  Many of the early Buddhist masters and yogis also ran off from their lives to live in austerity.  The Christian desert fathers did so too.  Ascetics from the Vedic traditions seem to imply that the world is impure, and the way to reach spiritual realization is by enforcing a separation from it.

The early Buddhist Geshes (Spiritual Teachers) advise us to practice as if our hair was already on fire (from being reborn in the hell realms of that tradition).

Personally, I find the stories of these past and current masters to be very inspiring, but in our modern interpretation, they miss an important element:  That these great Beings were often seen to have a specific "karma" or life path that required they practice in this way.  Other masters, with different "karma" like Marpa, in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, lived as householders, ran a business, and still communed deeply with the spiritual world.

Modern Teachers, too, sometimes advise their students to take up a more conventional life, rather than go in for the granduer that is invoked by extreme spiritual athleticism.

In the Zen tradition, there is a lot of talk about being "ordinary", not letting ambition sink you into a type of attachment, and yet there may be many Zen practitioners who feel that unless they are doing multiple hours of "meditation" every day on their cushion, or multiple retreats per year, they are not really practicing.

The truth is, that there is a kind of survivorship bias in the stories we read.  Those masters who "succeeded" are the ones who get to tell their tale.  The countless beings who tried to go off in a cave and meditate but died don't make the history books.  The ones who went without sleep in favor of their Zazen sitting but developed an anxiety disorder instead of a Kensho (experience of realization) are not spoken of as much.

I think we need to start speaking of them.  When the only rhetoric about spiritual practice is that the harder you try, the better the results you will get, people will think that if their spiritual practice is not bearing fruit, the answer is to just try harder.  And if trying harder doesn't work, or pushes you backward in your practice, the answer must be that something is wrong with you.

The answer, I believe is in the slogan given by the Daoist master Share K. Lew, when he said: "Daoist way is not forced."  To me, I interpret this to mean that one must go along with things as they are, not trying to force things to be different.  If you see that you have the "karma" to be a householder right now, with people depending on you, with debts to pay off, then that is your spiritual practice.  When you settle into the fact that you may only be able to do 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening of formal meditation, you can finally relax wondering whether you are a "real" meditator.  You can set realistic results, and judge your progress by the numerous scientific studies and anecdotes from other practitioners.

Above all, you can let go of the notion that there is a "right" way to do things, and a "wrong" way.  There have been realizers of every station in life.  Some Sufi masters have a husband/wife and kids, others wander in the desert as mystics.  Even others have taken specific periods to do each style and then switch to the alternate.  The great Yogi Milarepa had to undergo deep asceticisms and pain to attain realizations, but his master, Marpa was a farmer when he met him.

What if the life-circumstances, mind, and body you are in right now was the perfect one for you to practice with?  What if instead of looking for a lesson somewhere far off, you took what life was already giving you as the deepest challenge you could possibly face to your presence, ethics, and worldview?  And coming into that deep kind of presence in your life, what if you could set realistic goals, starting where you are, and see yourself succeeding?  What if this began to make you happier, more grounded, and better able to serve all those around you?  These seem like very realistic and attainable goals to me!

In the next installment, we'll talk about the other side of being realistic, not setting your goals too low...  until then, happy cultivating!